An open letter to David Slade, by KStewDevotee   37 comments

Hello all, my mom calls me ‘Mistake’ but the Twitter-verse knows me as KStewDevotee or Elle. The ToR gals suggested I do a fuckery post so here goes my ‘Brilliant’  letter:

Dear Slademister,

I hope you don’t mind the pics of Rob & Kris that will be spontaneously placed in this letter

57515745I know this made you swoon David. No one resist the smirk. No one.


: clears throat : Let’s begin


It’s the last days of shooting Eclipse, I ask of you just one thing. But first let me explain the great joy it brings me that the movie is wrapping up…

You weren’t the most interesting Twitter-er. Sorry I just had to put it out there. You gave us pictures of grass, headlights & erm Taylor LaOutner (btw tell Tay-Tay that I hate his voice but lurve his physique). A friend pointed out that those pictures were your actual POV because you’re like really short. Sad.

Erm Twilight sucked Monkey, no Gorilla balls. A lot was left out. For example the ‘I Love You’s’ & the mother-loving ‘BloodType’ Cougar Hardwicke replaced it with a constipated Edward. : Oh but I still lurves me some Robwardo:

& what is it that I ask of you Sir Slademister?

The Leg Hitch

BD_kiss2_by_palnk

I typed ‘Leg’ on Google & the first thing that came up was ‘Leg Hitch Eclipse’

This is primal. The most important part of the movie. Okay maybe not the MOST but if it’s one of the first things I think about when I hear the word Eclipse then it has to be important. Or maybe I should get laid.

So why is it so imperative?

Well think of it this way Slademister, Cullenster has been a virgin for 100+ years. Can you imagine how blue his balls are? They’re probably Ivory right now. A Leg Hitch will endow the Cullenster a little friction in the groin area. & we all know that Bella’s a little slore deep down, so she teases poor Cullenster.

Sigh

005Such a Fierce tease ❤

So if you want to avoid millions of death wishes, I hope you filmed the Leg Hitch

& now that I have you undivided attention I have another suggestion. You probably think I’ve misspelled Edwardo’s name. I digress. Edwardo Cullenster is a pretty bad-ass name. You can use it for Eclipse & claim that is was your idea because I know it’s BRILLIANT!

Well Sr. Slademister, I hope you didn’t fuck up Eclipse. Well if you did it will only make my MUSE Mr. Weitzmister look imperative compared to you! Bwahahaha! I kid I kid. The Saga can only allow one fuck up & Catherine Hardwicke took the Crown, Thrown & Palace.

Well that is all for now Slademister.  You = Rock!

P.S.

Tell Kristen Stewart, that I bow to her & her Fierceness! & tell Rob I bow to him & his disco stick.

Lurve Elle

37 responses to “An open letter to David Slade, by KStewDevotee

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  1. Pingback: Twitter Trackbacks for An open letter to David Slade, by KStewDevotee « Thinking of Rob™ [thinkingofrob.wordpress.com] on Topsy.com

  2. im laughing So hard right now. elle i lurve you

  3. Seriously i could tell quote all the parts that made me piss myself, but i don’t feel copying and pasting the whole thing. So i wont. U know i LOVE U MUCH & u ASS & u make me PEE MYSELF from laughing so i dont even need to say it for the 100th time 😉 Great damn post babe 🙂
    xo

  4. Brilliant…Need I say MORE….

    LoveFreedom/Bellanieve
  5. This was fantastic. Lulz @ Slade’s pics being from his POV 😀 And yes, the leg hitch is imperitive. Absolutely.

  6. Once again, E, you have managed to make me laugh til I have almost peed myself. Phenom letter!

  7. great post elle! lurve u!!

  8. LMFAO

  9. Absolutely Brilliant! 🙂 hahah, still laughing

  10. Cant stop laughing, I so hope he gets to read this. Id love to see his reaction when he opens it up. I hope he isnt holding a hot coffee at the time. Leg hitch all the way…………………………………………

  11. A more brilliant letter i have never read! That was hilarious, and oh so true! Omission of the LEG-HITCH could quite possibly lead to an all out worldwide riot. Or at the very least some strongly worded e-mails by twihards around the globe. Please, oh please give us a little Edward on Bella action to hold us over until Breaking Dawn. He’s never touched her below the waist… the least you can give him is a calf grab!

  12. Oh my!!! As the official leader of Team Leg Hitch (see my bio on Twitter and newmoonmovie.org) I love, adore your letter!! It is perfect! Slade must have it, I have been tweeting him everyday or so to have the leg hitch. This and your letter just might do the trick. 😉

  13. hahaha that is the coolest letter ever! you rock =)

  14. ROFLMAO!!! I am also all for the leg hitch and more! I actually read somewhere yesterday that although Eclipse has wrapped there are still a couple of studio scenes left to do and one of them involves a very hot Edward & Bella scene and it included words I won’t repeat here, lol. We can only hope…:)

  15. Erm Elle was I perhaps that “friend” that pointed out Davids POV to you?? LMFAO…we know he deletes my comments from his twitpics, perhaps it’s my sarcasm? I think he can’t handle my witty retorts..the are out of his reach so to speak, lol!

    Awesome letter and thanks for the laugh once again!! You are brilliant!!!

  16. LOVE IT!!!

  17. “A friend pointed out that those pictures were your actual POV because you’re like really short. Sad.”

    L….M….F….A….O….. *dies*

    This post was awesome Elle 🙂

  18. “tell Rob I bow to him & his disco stick.” AMEN!

  19. OMFG I am pissing in my pants!!!!!!!!

  20. LMFAO I lurve you, Elleward!

  21. oh . my. edward. =))))).
    I just laughed at my computer screen for 20 minutes. That was awesome…
    And I wonder what would be David’s response to this, lmfao.
    Totally right on the leg thing though – not to mention we would all want robert in that position.
    Oh Gosh, please make more =))

  22. This was brilliant, you got BIG BALLS and I almost pissed myself too!!!!! YES LEG HITCH…ITS A MUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After seeing all the fanmade videos and knowing how much better Twilight should’ve been made…..I only hope that SM will finish Midnight Sun and we can have that movie from his POV! Can you fathommmmmmm yes mmmmmm

  23. LOLOL your the best!

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  25. LMAO…I love how she bows to Rob and his disco stick…haha!!

  26. this is so freaking funny- he will have a million hot ladies on his ass if he leaves this part out 🙂

  27. hahaha omg this is incredibly funny and yet completely TRUE!

  28. Oh My Gosh, You Are Freakin Hilarious! I Love The Nicknames You Gave Edward. (Edwardo Cullenstar) Haaa! And I Also Knew Bella Was A Little Slore Deep Down! God, Im Laughing As Im Typing This, Wow, Thats The Best Letter Ive Ever Read! And To Be Honest I Hope Slademister (lol) Does Keep In The Leg Hitch, Cause Edwardo Needs A Little Action, After All It Has Been More Than A 100 Years And He Still Hasnt “Got Some”! And When I First Watched Twilight I Thought It Was Amazing, Then I Read The Book And I Was Like…WHAT THE HELL! It Was Super Awkward In The Film And Not Relaxed, And Neither Of Them Said I Love You Once! Not Once! Grrr! Catherine Monster Screwed Up There! Haa Still Laughing! You Should Seriously Send This To Him Via Twitter Or Something. I Wonder What He’d Say…
    So, Anyway KSTEWDEVOTEE, Because Of Your Hilarious Letter And Very Interesting Point Of Views, You’ve Earned Yourself Another Twitter-er-er? (Which Is Me Btw)
    And P.S
    I Searched Leg On Google, And It Came Up With Some Really Weird Leg Muscley Things…Ew, So Thanks For That. Lmao 😀

  29. OMG i can’t stop laughing this is so much fun. God if he read that he must find it hilarious. You’re a genius! My favorites parts:

    “Edwardo Cullenster is a pretty bad-ass name. You can use it for Eclipse & claim that is was your idea because I know it’s BRILLIANT!
    Well Sr. Slademister, I hope you didn’t fuck up Eclipse. Well if you did it will only make my MUSE Mr. Weitzmister look imperative compared to you! Bwahahaha! I kid I kid. The Saga can only allow one fuck up & Catherine Hardwicke took the Crown, Thrown & Palace. Tell Rob I bow to him & his disco stick. ” Oh my poor Catherine she think she’s the best and probably she didn’t know ppl actually hate her work and the susses of Twilight is b/c the books and Robert Pattinson.

  30. OMG ElleWard, love this! I was laughing so freakin hard reading this, you’re the best!

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